Life goes on...

 In my head, it stood still for a few days, and it still isn't moving quick. My next job will be creating a new life for myself. I only have bits and pieces tentatively imagined thus far. I do plan to go back to Trophy Gardens in Alamo, Texas, for the winter and return to Iowa the following Spring. 

A come-and-go Celebration of Life is scheduled for Saturday, September 27th, at the Depot in Jefferson, Iowa, from 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m., and lunch will be provided. More visiting later may take place at 402 N Cedar.

That's it for now. Hopefully, my writing bug will bite me a bit harder at a later time.

Barb

Life Changes

 Last Monday, September 8th, Butch woke up and needed to get to the bathroom using his slowboat to get everywhere. He said he felt worse and had very little strength in his legs. Next, he said he needed to get to his "office" where his meds were, and said his left leg was hurting. He made it that far. But then he said I don't think I can make it back to the living room. It wasn't easy, but we managed. Once seated in his chair, he said, Call 911. I did. The pain in his left leg was severe, and he said he thought he had a blood clot. To shorten things, he was right.

The options were a life flight to Des Moines, followed by a 5-hour surgery, or hospice. We asked if his life would be better after the surgery, and he said it could be, but recovery would be long and arduous. It did not seem like the best option. He was already weak, and it would have been grasping at straws, and we had too much of that already. The doctor did not hold back; he said it was going to be very painful, and he would be given anything and everything he needed to keep the pain at bay. Butch rated his pain at 12 on a scale of 1 to 10, and it stayed that way. The morphine took the edge off, but not by much. The morphine did make it so he could bear the pain till the next shot that he was getting every hour. The dosage was increased as well.

Before this, Butch had been taking 3 different blood thinners, and yet the clot developed. That was the main reason he decided on hospice, and it was he who decided. He was cognitive throughout until the morphine dosages climbed up. I stayed with him. And he passed away at 3:00 am on September 9th.

To answer many questions in one sentence, I am doing OK. It feels like a little hammer that pops in frequently to remind me that yes, it really did happen. I am doing my best to get things done that need doing, stopping short of being totally overwhelmed. I have had lots of help. Our boys and their well-chosen spouses have made it as easy as possible for me.

Yesterday, we made some decisions on a Celebration of Life.  It will be held in the Depot in Jefferson, Iowa, on September 27th. The Depot is at the head of the bike trail. I was thinking of our house, but parking is an issue. So chose the Depot instead.

The hours will be 11:00 am to 2:00 PM.  There will be lunch. These times are merely a suggestion because we are certain that people will drift to our house after that. We expect that to happen, and we are looking forward to it.

In Limbo

 We are in a state of limbo. The number of tests he has had is unbelievable. Progress is slow. Sometimes it is invisible. Next week we have an appointment for an ultrasound of his liver, followed by a meeting with his CPAP doctor and those in charge of it. I don't expect any concrete answers.

It has taken 3 months, but Butch has gotten the CPAP where it works for him. That is good news because it was causing a great deal of stress. The secret for him was a change in the adjustment of the mask. It may not be kosher, but it is working for him, and that's the most important part.

One of the stranger things that has happened is weird dreams and sleep-talking. Sleep-talking is not unusual because he has always done that, but now it is clear what he is saying, and he wakes in the middle and can relate what it was about! He has his own private TV in his head. He will suddenly wake up, look at the TV, and wonder why I turned it off. It was never on! What does it mean? Don't know, don't care. It makes things interesting.

Butch had a reprieve when he had the two cardioversions about a month apart, but now the afib is back and causing complications. Not sure where we go from here. His next cardio appointment is September 23rd. Hopefully, it will be well defined.

Butch and I grew up in the 50's/60's and both of our families played cards as a form of entertainment. Butch's family is a bit more intense than mine. TV was new, and not everyone had one. Also, the addiction was not in full swing as it is now. When the kids are here, we play Wizard, Golf(card game), and Cribbage. Butch is usually our target because he was born lucky and thus consistently wins. He is used to the rest of us ganging up on him. It gives us a goal and him a smile.

I am busy being the legs for both of us, and my computer time has taken a hit, so hang in there. I might be late, but it will appear.

Busy Week...

 3 doctor appointments this week. Overwhelming is a word being used frequently. Yesterday was the cardiologist appointment in Ames, IA.  He has returned to AFIB. Nothing has changed, really, that we can see. Basically, it means he will be tired. He is already tired, so it must mean more tired. (Tuesday)

He has elevated liver enzymes, and he has been to see a gastroenterologist to see what that is all about. (Wednesday)

Oddly enough, Butch being in AFIB is not as much of an issue as I thought it would be. It is staying at a manageable rate so far. Hopefully, it will stay steady and low. He is getting home health care, and they are monitoring him, setting goals, and helping him regain strength. He has finally registered the same weight, 147, two days in a row. He started at 180 a year ago.

At this moment, he is on his computer in his "hidey hole". He will stay there until he gets to dozing off too often and then he will come into the living room, where he will doze off in his chair.

The truth be told, I am mentally and physically exhausted. I have continued to get my walk in most mornings. And I, too, take multiple naps. Friends and family have gathered around, and I am very grateful for all the help they have given.

So that is an update. Truthfully, the update is most likely at the bottom of my todo list. I will continue to do the best I can.

Colleen and I are on the biketrail. We walk 2 miles every (most) morning.

The new handrails for the breezeway entrance. They work very well!

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Where we are...

 Butch-His legs feel like jello-he uses a walker- he has made a truce with the CPAP, and it works most nights. He would like to fling a couple of things at the wall: his phone and the CPAP.

He has a housebound diagnosis, so we have people who come in to help with showers, taking BPs, and monitoring his weight and other vitals. They are showing him ways to function safely. And running him through exercises to improve his muscle strength. This is new for us, and we are going into week two with these changes.

He hasn't been playing pool or golf. Getting to both places to do so is not easy and would drain too much of his precious energy.

Jason lives closest to us (30 miles) and has been helping us cope with all this. Gary lives in Missouri and has been coming up when he can. Rich lives in Georgia and is trying to adjust to his own life changes. We know he would if he could. Our daughter-in-laws have been helpful as well. In addition to lending us their guys, they have let their spouses come frequently, while letting their home chores slack a bit. Our boys chose well for their life partners.

Keri and Leo, our other family that is close, have bent over backward to help while juggling their own busy lives. We appreciate all of them!

We have two doctor appointments coming next week. Primary doctor on Tuesday, who is local, and an appointment with his heart doctor in Ames, which is a 40-mile trip one way. It will be good to get them off the calendar.

I am asked often how he is doing, and if you can keep up with the blog (brooker3.blogspot.com), it will help me. The busier I get, the farther I get behind. Texting is the best way to communicate with both of us, but remember how Butch feels about his phone! You don't want to get flung!

So Far-So Good

 We are currently in a state of flux. Numerous doctor appointments and not knowing where we stand most of the time. We have been told that a complete recovery is unlikely, which means we are living on a day-by-day basis. In reality, we should all live that way; however, it doesn't seem to happen until forced. So we are living in the moment; sometimes those moments are good and sometimes not.

Addressing the problem directly, Butch's heart is giving out. We didn't know he had heart issues until last February, when we went to ER early in the morning because he was coughing a lot and bringing up lots of phlegm. We thought it was a cold/allergies situation. He ended up in the hospital for a week and a stent in his heart. He recovered quite nicely...we thought.

The one ongoing big red flag throughout is losing weight without trying. We knew he was losing weight; what we didn't know was the reason why. A doctor explained it to us quite clearly recently. Food is the energy that keeps everything working, and when your heart, the main engine keeping you alive, is not getting what it needs to work, it will take all it can from wherever it can. As we age, it gets more difficult to keep it all working. If you are losing weight and not trying, do something about it! Butch had been losing weight for over a year. We did not take it seriously enough.

I do not know how much knowing all this from the get-go would have helped, but still, I wish we had known.

Currently, his heart is working at 25 percent. He has no energy. His legs feel like jello. He has fallen numerous times. He has had two cardioversions, shocking the heart. They have both worked for a time. The doctor says that after 80, it is very unlikely that it will continue to work. He currently gets around with a walker. Everything is difficult.

At this minute, he is taking numerous meds for the morning, and he will repeat the process at night. Like I said, we are living in the moment, and the future will just have to wait.

We are blessed with many friends and family, and they are all coming to the rescue. We appreciate them beyond words! 

Last-Ditch effort

 The last-ditch effort is working. His heart is in rhythm so far and staying steady. He will be coming home today. As long as his heart stays in rhythm he will be okay. We hope it is a good long time from now.

The Most Difficult...

 This is the most difficult blog entry I will ever have to write. Butch is not going to recover. In the last year, Butch has lost a lot of weight. The amount lost now stands at 36lb. We didn't understand how or why this was happening, but we know now. Butch is currently in Mary Greeley Hospital in Ames, Iowa. He will be released today. Released to what and where is not yet defined.

While in Texas last February, I took Butch to the ER. We found out he was in AFIB and had a heart issue. This much is old news. When the heart has a hard time functioning, it requires more energy and takes it away from other areas. So the food energy you eat is going to your heart, and taking it from your other organs. Weight loss results. If he were younger, some procedures could help this condition. The older you get, the less they can do. Butch is 84 and has enjoyed a long and active life. Today, he will be getting another shock to his heart. They do not expect long-term results from it because of his age. It is a last-ditch effort.

And then he will get released to come home. This part is very fuzzy right now because I am old, too, and not all that strong. Butch has nearly fallen 3 times in the last week. Two of those times were while in a hospital. 

I post this to the blog in order to reach the most people we know all at once. I will post more when I know more and have the time.

Catch up

 Butch is still on a slow boat to health.  At least he is on board. Being 84 in real-time and somewhere around 50 in your head can be frustrating. If we take baby steps in the right direction, we will eventually reach our goal of having suitable health for our lifestyle.

Yesterday, a lifelong friend of mine passed away. I have mentioned Mickey on this blog in the past. We have known each other since 3rd grade, and our lives have intertwined ever since. She found out she had cancer about 4 years ago and has been in a fight for her life ever since. A couple of years were not too bad for her, but the past two have been challenging. She was placed in hospice in January and a care facility in May. I tried to visit her frequently, trying to make her days shorter. She assured me it worked. Due to her nature, she hung on dearly till the end. I will miss her, of course.

There were four of us who ran around together in our teen years: Mickey, Jean, Valeta, and me. I once again am the last one standing. In my 82 years, I have learned to roll with the punches. It may be a blessing. Sometimes I do wonder.

Jean, Barb and Mickey

 

Mickey and Butch at the lake

A Tumble

When the kids were here, Butch fell in the breezeway. His heel caught on the step, and down he went! Fortunately, it was not a major event. A few scrapings of his thin skin were the worst of it. The subject of falls in general was the topic of the day. I had been wanting good, solid handrails for the breezeway for quite some time. Jason and Butch installed them yesterday. They were our 66th anniversary gift. Appropriate!

I was asked about the definition of a breezeway. The inquirer had never encountered the word before. It is a pretty word!

Breezeway--a roofed outdoor passage, as between a house and a garage.

Today the tumbler is going to the golf course. Not to play! He will ride in the cart with Jason and maybe putt some. He has been waiting quite a while to feel good enough to just ride!

He had another good night with his CPAP. I trust that they will eventually become best friends.

Progress

Things are moving right along and in the proper direction. After the heart shock for Butch, progress is not as fast as he wants, but very tangible. He is not pushing things ahead of when he should. My guess is it took approximately 75 years for that to be true. Who says an old dog cannot learn new tricks? 

Last night was a good night with the CPAP. That is still rare, but he is getting better with it.

Yesterday we went to Ames (40 miles) so he could get his scheduled cortisone shots in his titanium leg (right one) and his bum knee (left one). He drove to Boone, where son Jason took over, so it didn't get to be too much for Butch. After the shots, Jason drove us to Costco, then back to Ames, where we enjoyed lunch at Hickory Park, a favorite eating place for all of us. Jason drove back to Boone, where we dropped him off, and then Butch finished up by driving back to Jefferson. We took the scenic route, which we have not been able to do for a long time. The whole idea was not to wear Butch out too much while still letting him drive, and that was indeed successful.

We both think everything will fall into place, so we can return to South Texas around the same time we usually do in late October. For a while there, it was uncertain.

Our friend Colleen is staying with us, using Gary and Susan's RV as a hotel, so to speak. She used to stay in ours before we sold it, so it has been a long time since she has been here. Many of our friends might remember Colleen as the author of articles in the https://greenecountynewsonline.com/2025/07/30/a-very-short-column/. She is still writing, and we are still enjoying her articles.

Our anniversary came and went on the 25th of July. This is our 66th year together as a married couple. The age-old question comes up as to how that is possible, and my answer is that we didn't ever want a divorce at the same time. My other answer is "One day at a time."  It could also be that we are both quite stubborn. All of that is true.

Till next time!

He has been fixed...

 It didn't take long, and it all went well. The shock treatment took just a few minutes, and they only needed to do it once...so far. The staff was happy with the results so without having anything to compare it with, so are we.

Gary and Susan took us over and back, and we are thankfully grateful.  Will have more to report after we have the test of time.

Updated info. 7/23/2025

The Heart Doctor!!

 The big day arrived yesterday, and I have been busy with routine tasks to prepare for tomorrow, when we have an appointment for Butch to get "shocked". He has been in AFIB, and that is one way to get the heart back in rhythm.  Tomorrow, our Missouri kids are here for a visit and will be taking us to Ames for the procedure, which is scheduled to take place at 8:30 AM. To have that happen at 8:30AM, we have to leave Jefferson at 6:00am to make the deadline for the prep part of things. Whatever it takes, we will do!

Butch has been slowly getting better after the scope and the healing of the ulcer, along with the learning of the ins and outs of the pesky CPAP. We are ready for the next step now followed by getting ready for the fall trip to Texas. All things happen at the right time!

This, my friends, is the shortened version of the current situation.

Photos

 One of the most consistent things for me throughout my life is photography...and of course walking. I often combine the two, actually. So it has been quite some time since I have posted any, and today is the day. Most of these were taken recently. By recent, I mean since returning to Jefferson in April.

Butch. He looks better now.

One of our rabbits.

And this is Twotail. Part of his tail is deformed a bit. Also, the squirrels in our yards and the rabbits get along quite well and, on occasion, play with each other.

On the biketrail is often where I get my best photos. I have never seen sunflowers grown in raised beds before, but I must say they look mighty fine!

This is the third or fourth generation for this cactus. Son Gary gave me a little bitty cactus for Mother's Day in 2008, and several generations later, here it is! It has bloomed every year, sometimes more than once. Mine is not to wonder why, but enjoy!

 

Yesterday, I walked across the street to give our neighbor some donuts we did not want and noticed how good our place looked, so I came home for my phone and took this photo.

Yes, the pool hall on the right is as big or perhaps bigger than our living quarters on the left. We like living small.

Earlier this spring, I took this photo of our front flower bed. These are chives, iris, and balloon flowers

What's new with Butch?

 It seems like Butch has had the CPAP for a very long time. I checked the calendar, and it has been just shy of a month. June 24th was his first night. In that time, he has had three very good, not connected nights. Last night was one of them! It is so pleasant when one of them happens. First off, it offers hope. He has more energy, his color is better, and it feels so normal. My wish is that this could become the new way of life!

Next Tuesday is his appointment with the heart doctor, who told us back in early June that once the CPAP and scope were taken care of, we could get to work on the heart issues. We are ready and hopeful that the next step is here.

Stumbled upon...

 One of the things that has been my biggest challenge is cooking for Butch. Yes, that has been lifelong, but it rises to a whole new level when you put (low salt/low sugar) into the mix. For the most part, eating out is not only expensive, but you also have no control over the salt or sugar.

I wear out on cooking fairly easily, and I have been that way often in the past few months. So while shopping last week in Fareway, I ran across these frozen dinners.

Butch likes sweet and sour chicken, so I decided to take the plunge. They were inexpensive to boot at $2.99. Portion size also fit his new way of eating. Probably a bit high in sugar but I balanced that with low in sodium. He likes them!!!

There is a lot of choices, clearly something for everyone.

This photo was taken on the WalMart website.

I was not paid for this add!😄

The new improved Butch

 We are making progress. He is eating! That in itself is good news. He has been in a nightly battle with his CPAP, but there are signs that the CPAP is winning. Last night he slept through the night. He did not get up even once, not even to go to the bathroom! He said this morning he wasn't sure he had ever slept that well in his entire life. We would have to ask his mother, but he may be right! 

This is the second time he has slept long and well with the CPAP, and we are hoping there will be many more to come.

Walking

 Those who know me well will not be surprised by this post. I have done this my entire adult life. I like to walk in the early morning. It gets my days off to a good start.  It gets my creative juices churning.

The biggest benefit of walking, however, is when you are at your wits' end. When you have been met with some overwhelming news, either good or bad. Walk it off!

Bird Brain?

 They are exceedingly smart!

Watch what this bird does for entertainment!

https://youtu.be/EGaSHDmuAPg

Here we are now...

 With meds for an ulcer and hiatal hernia, things are much better. The CPAP is working well, and we understand it better. So that brings it to the heart issues, and we have upcoming appointments for that. Butch can't do much now without being weak and tired so we stick to the things he can do. Two games of pool are his limit, but trust me, he hasn't lost any of his prowess in that direction. He is playing trivia on Thursday nights. And we play cards with friends at least once a week. Of course, the TV is getting used quite a bit too. He takes naps frequently. He has become more patient with all this. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much choice. He has always been a good patient. We do think there is another side to all this, and we are slowly moving in that direction.

Stay tuned...