Bird Brain?

 They are exceedingly smart!

Watch what this bird does for entertainment!

https://youtu.be/EGaSHDmuAPg

Here we are now...

 With meds for an ulcer and hiatal hernia, things are much better. The CPAP is working well, and we understand it better. So that brings it to the heart issues, and we have upcoming appointments for that. Butch can't do much now without being weak and tired so we stick to the things he can do. Two games of pool are his limit, but trust me, he hasn't lost any of his prowess in that direction. He is playing trivia on Thursday nights. And we play cards with friends at least once a week. Of course, the TV is getting used quite a bit too. He takes naps frequently. He has become more patient with all this. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much choice. He has always been a good patient. We do think there is another side to all this, and we are slowly moving in that direction.

Stay tuned...

Being in your 80's

I did not write this but I wish that I had!

Barb Brooker

Emotional Changes You May Experience in Your 80s

Reaching your eighties is something that many people hope for but rarely understand until they get there.

Life moves at a different pace, and with that shift comes a deep transformation in how you feel, react, and connect with others. Your emotions do not fade away, but they do evolve into something quieter, stronger, and more thoughtful.

You have lived through enough joy and heartache to know what matters.

This season of life brings clarity, balance, and a deeper sense of peace in your emotional world.

Here are five ways your emotions may begin to change during your eighties.

You React More Calmly to Upsetting Moments

By the time you reach your eighties, you have lived through decades of challenges.

You have felt the sting of disappointment, the weight of grief, and the stress of sudden change. With all that life experience, your reactions begin to shift. You no longer respond to frustration or conflict with the same intensity as you once did.

You begin to pause before reacting.

You take a moment to breathe, to think, and to reflect before speaking or acting. This quiet delay is not hesitation. It is wisdom. You have learned that reacting quickly often makes things worse, not better.

Instead of raising your voice or letting anger take over, you choose a calmer path.

You walk away. You stay silent. You ask questions instead of making assumptions. You have nothing to prove, and that allows you to carry yourself with peace even in the middle of stress.

This calm reaction becomes part of who you are.

It does not mean you feel less. You still feel anger, sadness, and frustration. But your response is softer, more thoughtful, and more stable. You have learned that some things are not worth losing your peace over.

Even during serious or emotional moments, you trust your ability to handle them.

You no longer feel overwhelmed by every problem. You know how to take one step at a time. You understand that a calm heart makes better choices, and your experience helps you stay grounded when others might panic.

In your eighties, emotional strength looks like stillness.

It looks like patience when everything feels heavy. It looks like choosing kindness over control. That calmness is not weakness. It is the quiet result of a lifetime spent learning how to feel with purpose.

Gratitude Becomes a Daily Feeling

When you are in your eighties, gratitude is no longer something that comes and goes.

It becomes a steady part of your day, showing up in quiet moments when you least expect it. You begin to notice small joys that once passed you by. This is not something you plan. It happens naturally as life slows down and you begin to see things more clearly.

You feel thankful for little things.

A warm cup of tea. A peaceful afternoon. A familiar voice on the phone. These moments do not need to be big or fancy. They feel meaningful because you know how quickly time moves and how easily things can change.

Gratitude also grows from what you have lost and what you have learned.

You have said goodbye to people you loved. You have faced days when everything felt too heavy. And now, when something or someone brings you comfort, you hold on to it more tightly. You understand the value of what you have in front of you.

You begin to show your appreciation more freely.

You say thank you and truly mean it. You smile at others, speak gently, and offer kindness without expecting anything in return. Gratitude becomes part of your attitude, not just your words.

This feeling helps you stay grounded.

Even when life is not perfect, you can find something to be thankful for. That sense of gratitude gives you strength, helping you through hard days and adding joy to good ones.

In your eighties, gratitude is not something you practice once in a while.

It becomes part of your daily rhythm, a quiet recognition of all the moments, people, and simple pleasures that still fill your life with meaning.

Sadness Feels Deeper but Is Less Overwhelming

In your eighties, sadness does not disappear, but it does begin to feel different.

It runs deeper because you have experienced more loss, more change, and more time spent reflecting on what has come and gone. You remember friends who are no longer here, seasons of life that have passed, and moments you wish could have lasted a little longer.

These thoughts can bring a quiet ache that sits in the background of your day.

You may not cry as easily or speak about it out loud, but the feeling is there. It rises with old songs, family photos, or even during a peaceful afternoon when your mind starts to wander. Sadness becomes a companion that visits softly, not a storm that crashes through your life.

Yet despite how deep it feels, it rarely overwhelms you.

You have learned how to sit with pain without letting it take over. You understand that grief and loss are part of a full life, and that emotions do not always need to be fixed or chased away. Sometimes, you simply let them be.

You begin to see sadness as something that belongs.

It lives alongside love and joy. It reminds you of what mattered, of what you gave your heart to. And in some strange way, it also brings comfort. It tells you that your life was rich with people and moments worth missing.

There is strength in this gentle acceptance.

You do not fear sadness the way you once did. You do not push it away. Instead, you walk with it, holding space for the sorrow without letting it steal your peace. That emotional balance comes from years of living, of feeling everything fully, and still choosing to carry on.

In your eighties, sadness feels more like a whisper than a shout.

It is quieter, steadier, and somehow, easier to live with than before.

Love Shows Up in Simpler, Softer Ways

As the years pass and you reach your eighties, love begins to look a little different.

It loses its need for grand displays or dramatic words and instead becomes something softer, smaller, and more real. It no longer rushes. It settles in and stays close.

You find love in moments that once seemed ordinary.

Someone brings you your favorite snack without being asked. A neighbor waves from across the street. A child holds your hand a few seconds longer than usual. These little things begin to mean more than roses or big romantic gestures ever did.

The way you express love also changes.

You speak gently, listen more closely, and offer your presence as a gift. You stop trying to impress others and instead try to make them feel seen, safe, and understood. You write letters. You share old stories. You ask questions that show you care.

Love becomes more peaceful in this stage of life.

It is no longer about butterflies or sparks. It is about comfort, safety, and knowing someone is there. A quiet morning shared with someone you care about can feel more romantic than any night out ever did.

You also feel love in memory.

You think about people you once knew, relationships that shaped you, and moments that left a mark on your heart. That love does not fade. It simply changes its form, living in reflection rather than constant contact.

What matters most is that love is still there.

It moves slower, but it feels deeper. It does not shout, but it stays. It reminds you that no matter your age, your heart is still open and capable of loving fully.

In your eighties, love becomes a quiet strength that fills the space between words and lives gently in your everyday moments.

Peace and Acceptance Take Center Stage

In your eighties, peace is no longer something you chase.

It becomes something you naturally grow into, a steady feeling that gently settles across your heart. You stop wrestling with every part of life and start allowing things to be what they are. That shift opens the door for real emotional freedom.

You begin to accept yourself more fully.

The things you once criticized start to matter less in a harsh way and more in a tender one. You no longer expect perfection. Instead, you recognize how far you have come, how much you have grown, and how worthy you are of love just as you are.

The desire to control fades as well.

You let go of the need to fix every problem or change every outcome. You learn to trust that some things are out of your hands, and that is not failure; it is simply life. That quiet surrender brings more relief than any solution ever did.

Forgiveness becomes easier, too.

Not because the pain no longer matters, but because you no longer want to carry it. You forgive yourself for past mistakes. You forgive others, not always with words, but with a choice to no longer hold on to bitterness. This forgiveness creates room for peace to grow.

You also begin to focus more on the present moment.

You are less drawn to what has already happened or what might happen next. Instead, you take joy in now. A kind conversation. A warm afternoon. A meal you enjoy. These simple pieces of life begin to feel full and rich.

Peace and acceptance are not the end of emotion.

They are the result of years spent learning what to hold on to and what to let go of. In your eighties, they finally rise to the top and become the foundation for how you feel each day.

Final Thoughts

The emotional journey through your eighties is not about silence or stillness.

It is about feeling more deeply, with more care and less chaos.

You do not lose your emotions, you grow into them, understanding what matters and what no longer needs to take up space in your heart.

There is strength in calm, beauty in simplicity, and meaning in every quiet moment you choose to embrace.

Breathing Better

 Have you ever felt like you were holding your breath for weeks on end? Today we were able to take a deep breath, laugh, and giggle. Butch was getting a scope today and it went beautifully. The scope was of his upper gastro. We were braced for the worst but hoping for the best, and the best is what happened!

Dr Abraham said there was no sign of cancer. He said he didn't see anything even remotely like a cancer. He has a hiatal hernia and a non-bleeding ulcer, for which he will be on medication for three months.

Now the heart doctor is free to proceed with helping his heart become healthier. We still have some CPAP issues to get straightened out. The holdup for these issues has been not knowing what was taking place in his gut. We are taking a step in the right direction.

I am filled to the brim with gratitude. And thanks to all of our friends who have been helpful with their prayers!

Still Incomplete...

 Things aren't so good at our house. Butch is not in a good way. We do have an appointment next Tuesday for a scope. They tell us the lymph glands on both sides of his stomach are enlarged. He has a hard time breathing, and that seems to get worse by the day. We are working with a cardiac doctor, an oncologist (weight loss), and the surgeon doing the scope, plus his primary care doctor. All of them are good, and they all get along with each other. He has a CPAP, and it helps, but that is all it does. I was hoping for more. I have heard the phrase Congestive Heart Failure bandied about. The main problem is that they can't do much until something else is done. Much like being on a merry-go-round, except it ain't too merry! Hopefully, the procedure they do next Tuesday will tell them enough to begin a healing process on something somewhere. Butch said the other day that he thinks his square dance days are over. If that is all that's over, I will be more than happy!

Incomplete update on Butch

 He has a working CPAP and he has good nights and bad. Tomorrow he will be off his Blood thinners for 5 days before a scope procedure that will take place July 1st in Carroll Iowa. We will know more after this is done.

He has no appetite to speak of and he is weak and easily tired. Butch has always been a good patient when ill and that is still true.

Till then...

On My ToDo list

An update on Butch on July 2nd.

Cranberry Maple Trail Mix

Ingredients

1 ½ c raw walnuts

1 c toasted pumpkin seeds

¾ c raw sliced almonds

½ c maple syrup

3 tbs light brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

pinch of nutmeg

pinch of cloves

salt

1 c dried sweetened cranberries

1 c white chocolate chips

Instructions

CANDY NUT & SEED MIX: Prepare a large baking sheet lined with parchment paper, set aside. Preheat a large nonstick pan over medium heat. Add walnuts, pumpkin seeds, and almonds and stir together until well mixed. Pour over the maple syrup, add the spices, and stir until evenly coated. Cook for 4 minutes, stirring often, until the maple syrup has mostly adhered to the nut mixture. Then sprinkle over the brown sugar, stir, and cook for another 3 minutes. Take off the heat and spread out the mixture evenly on the parchment paper-lined baking sheet, and sprinkle salt to taste over the top. Then allow the caramelized mixture to cool fully for 30 minutes. Break up into small clusters by hand.

FOLD IN CRANBERRIES & CHOCOLATE CHIPS: Once the mixture has set up completely, sprinkle over chocolate chips and cranberries, mix together, and store in an airtight container at room temperature for a week or more. Use little pieces of parchment paper to line the bottom of your containers to prevent sticking.

On a lighter note...

At 2:00 pm yesterday, I called Respitory again and asked why we had not received the info we needed to get the CPap. I informed them that Dave, the owner of Homecare Medical, was ready to go; he just needed some info from them to finish it up. The receptionist? nurse? told me to tell Dave to call them, so I did. Neither of us thought this would go anywhere, but Dave called and talked to the Doctor, who verbally gave him the info he needed. 

I thought Butch had the best night ever! But he tells me he didn't sleep all night! When he had the hospital sleep test, he also didn't think he slept the first half...but he did. So I think it was the same here. His brain was active while his body was sleeping. I was up a number of times through the night and saw no indication he was awake. And I asked him how many times I got up, and he had no idea. He was in some kind of sleep, even if he didn't recognize it! Hopefully, it will be more recognizable tonight.

Things are looking up!

Update...

 I know I am late in getting an update out. Our annual Z cousin reunion was this past Saturday. This year's crowd was small, with perhaps 15 people in attendance. Despite that, it was a pleasant one because it was laid back and the perfect time to have a conversation with everyone. Not just a "Good to see ya" visit, but conversations with substance. 

My friend Mickey, who is battling cancer and is in her final fight, dropped by Saturday afternoon, too.  Her daughter, Dena, came to see her from Minnesota and brought a wheelchair van. She picked her up at the nursing home, took her for a tour of Jefferson, and stopped by our place. Dena brought some brawn with her to get her Mom into her house, a request Mickey has had for a long time. Dena said she was ready to return to the nursing home by mid-afternoon. It was good to see her, and I am happy for her that she was able to have her wish.

Two of our boys and their wives came for the reunion and the weekend. We always have a super time when they are here. Butch passed on real golf when they went, but we played the golf card game. And of course, we played pool. Butch did not feel well all weekend and we have come to the conclusion that it may have been a 'bug' instead of his many other issues when I started having the same feelings he was experiencing: No appetite, upset stomach, abdominal pain, diarrhea, and dry heaves. Fortunately, I did not have the dry heaves part.  And my bout, if it was one, was much shorter than his.

CPAP or no CPAP. So today is the day Butch is supposed to get his CPAP. At least that is what we were told. On Saturday, my cousin Howard came to the reunion and brought his spare CPAP with him. It got us through the weekend. We are well aware that it is a no-no to use someone else's CPAP; however, it was not one he was currently using. So if there does happen to be another snafu, we will use it until he does indeed have his own.

That brings you up to date. We hope to have some definitive answers soon.

It gets worse...

 The doctor is still on vacation, and we have to wait until Monday for him to review the sleep study test and approve it for a CPAP despite being labeled as 'EMERGENCY" and heart failure. A lawsuit may be in a few people's future.

I listen to him all night, every night. He sounds as though he is climbing up a very steep hill, and then there is a period of time where he is silent with no apparent breathing at all. He is sleeping in a recliner to keep his head elevated. Oddly enough, his Blood Ox readings are well within normal. Yesterday, at about 5 AM, we went to ER because he was afraid to go to sleep, and he checked out okay. The doctor in charge tried to call the sleep apnea facility in Ames to see if he could get things moving, but he is the third doctor who has tried and failed. They did say he was first on the list for Monday. So this being Saturday morning, we now have two more nights to get through before he can get a CPAP. I am fully aware there may be other issues, but my thought and prayer is that the CPap will have a positive impact on his recovery. They cannot put any more pressure on his system until the sleep apnea issue is resolved.

So enough for now. I will pass along 'news' as I come upon it.

Bump in the road

 Butch had his sleep study in the hospital and it went well. It was a Split Study, meaning the first half was without a CPap and the second half with it. The results were alarming, encouraging, and alarming in that order. His results were listed on his MyChart, and two words stuck out: severe and heart failure. It was decided that he definitely needed a CPap. BUT and it is a big but, the guy who would read the results is on vacation! And nothing can be done about getting him a CPap until he sees the results and posts it. So no relief for us on knowing he can safely sleep through the night until he returns and resumes his job.

I decided I should see if there was any way around this obstacle. It seemed to me there should be a way, especially since it had emergency status. So I finally reached the doctor who ordered the sleep test, and I am waiting to hear back from him. The fact that the doctor on vacation surely should have backup to cover situations like this, but doesn't, strikes me as a lawsuit waiting to happen.

The new-to-Butch heart doctor was a bit stern and asked why we waited so long to see him and I lobbed it right back at him that I had tried to get an appointment before we left Texas, but was unable to do so, and when we did get back to Iowa it wasn't any easier. End of discussion. 

To be continued...

Things are looking up

 Butch's appointment with his cardiologist took place this afternoon and we are greatly encouraged. His throat scope has been cancelled because he cannot be taken off his blood thinners for 6 months, and that would have been required for that procedure. That one was making me nervous for that very reason.

He will be getting a new med tomorrow that should take care of the high heart rate, the sleep study tonight, and a better outlook should improve everything.

And to top it off, I went to the pharmacy to get refills, and thanks to the staff at McFarland clinic who gave me a card, I was able to get an 80% reduction in my most expensive med. Down from $247 to $59.50! Oh, Happy Day!!

Finally!

 Butch recieved word yesterday that he will be getting his sleep study done tonight in Ames Iowa. It was a perfect birthday gift. It feels like we have been waiting for ages. We have two doctor visits today, too, and fortunately, they are local visits. My cardiologist comes to Jefferson a couple of times a month, and after today, he will also be Butch's cardiologist. There are numerous reasons a person can spontaneously lose weight, and we are investigating all of them. Last week, Dr. Merchant, an oncologist, said it may be something simple, and we won't know until we check.

So, as many of you know, dancing with Doctors can be time-consuming, and we're hoping for a quickstep. Maybe by July 1st, we can say we will sit the next one out.

Leo and Keri put together a small birthday celebration for Butch's 84th birthday. Jason and Laura played cards with us all afternoon, then we all went to Casa de Oro for supper. It was a happy time, lots of fun conversation.

The Birthday Boy

Clearly!

And the beat goes on...we hope

 Little changes at our house, and that is mostly okay with us. That feels like it leaves little to write about. I generally come up with something. I can always groan on about the medical world. Butch had a preliminary sleep apnea test and he won. He has sleep apnea. That means he needs to have a more thorough test to find out how bad it is. I hear they have a number system. I predict it is a high number. To find this out, someone from the hospital is supposed to contact us and tell us when he needs to go for a sleepover at the hospital. We found this out last week, and so far, we haven't been informed. 

He was supposed to go today for a throat scope, but due to a lack of a message from that particular office, it isn't happening. The insurance company nixed that one, but no one informed us. They assumed Butch was "techy" and would see the message through his MYCHART. He didn't.

Tomorrow he has an appointment with a doctor about his unexplained weight loss. He was down to 155 pounds. He started at 180 about a year ago. There is a shred of good news. Today, he stepped on the scale and it was up two pounds.

He has an appointment with the heart doctor here the day after his 84th birthday. He will be seeing the same heart doctor I have on June 10th. I think they will get along. I just hope he has something positive to share with us.

So all of the above has been on our mind. We still seem to get things done. Butch is playing golf with Jason when the weather allows.  We both are still playing pool most days at 4:00pm. Trivia night is Thursdays and game night is Saturdays and both activities are fun. Our "pool hall" is getting used precisely as we hoped it would, a gathering place.

Both of us always have a book going.  I've just finished this one, and I would highly recommend it. I loved it!

An emotional, rousing novel inspired by the incredible true story of two giraffes who made headlines and won the hearts of Depression-era America.

“Few true friends have I known and two were giraffes…”Woodrow Wilson Nickel, age 105, feels his life ebbing away. But when he learns giraffes are going extinct, he finds himself recalling the unforgettable experience he cannot take to his grave.

Rain, Rain go away

 I am sure the farmers like it, the ones who have their crops in. It has been cool and rainy the past two weeks and I get a bit crabby when my walks are hindered.

Oh well. There are always indoor activities we can do.

We are getting into a pattern of doctor appointments. Hopefully, we can wrap those up soon. It does seem one appointment turns into many. We have no answers yet on Butch and sleep apnea or reasons for weight loss. Maybe this week will help.

Leo, Keri, Butch, and I went north to visit with Marlene and Bernard last Friday. They are both in their 90s and doing well in most aspects. Butch has been so lucky. There were 6 Brooker siblings, and only one has passed. I went searching for a picture of Marlene and Bernard and ran across this one of Butch and Marlene taken in 2016 at Pepe's on the river in South Texas. Good grief, that was 9 years ago!

I went on a photo search and ran across this one of Bernard, also in 2016, taken at their place in South Texas. Bernard is holding a homemade cribbage board. Sadly, I do not remember the story behind it. Obviously, it was made in the days when you made something instead of buying it. 

We would get together with Marlene and Bernard often when they were still coming down for the winter. Their park was about 25 miles from the one we stayed in.

Ancestry

 I know there are a lot of people into it, and I have not been one of them. Not deeply at any rate. However, I have recently been much more informed about my father's side of the spectrum over the last year. My father was adopted at 3 months of age due to the death of his mother. His father gave him to Sam and Anna Brock, which was not at all uncommon in those days. As a result, we "Brock" grandchildren knew very little of our Vanhorn, my father's birth name, side of the family. 

My birth grandfather was Walter Vanhorn, and Walter was a twin. Wesley was his twin's name. The twins had a brother, William, as well.

A few years ago Butch and I did the Ancestry.com thing, more to find out what part of Europe we came from more than anything else. I was put in touch with some of Walter's and Wesley's families as a result of being in the large pool of ancestors.

I recently found out I have 1st cousins in Greene County. They have been here most of my life, if not all, and I was unaware. 

Ancestry.com sends out a "hint" every little bit to entice you to become a member. My interest is not that strong, so I pass. I do, however, look at what they will show me for free. This is a photo of what I received yesterday. 

From this bit of info, I found out that my great-grandparents on my dad's side had a large gap between their ages. He was 28 years older than Luvica! She lived to the ripe old age of 107, and he died at 89. If I had known of her existence, I could have visited her had the circumstances been right. My father's biological sister, Ione Beason Shafer, lived to 104, so longevity might have been a factor.

Hey, it is raining outside, and I am all caught up on many things, so you get the leftovers of my mind on days like this one.

Day and Light

 Every photographer worth their salt knows it is all about the light. My "job" each morning is to unlock the doors in the morning; All six of them...that's another story.

When I opened the door on the east side of the breezeway, I stopped in my tracks and got my camera, my best camera! Now, this may not be a big deal to many people, but it is to me.

Here are the results:

This is actually the shot that sent me for my camera. (Chives)

These are the 3rd or maybe 4th generation of cacti my son, Gary, gave me for Mother's Day in 2004. We bring them in for the winter, and our house sitters give them a drink every month or so. It is awesome how they have evolved from the tiny little cactus they were to begin with.

Tricks of the Trade

 When I am stumped about what to share with you, I have a couple of tricks I rely on. One is pictures, always an easy way out. Another is recipes. But first, a rhubarb story. When Butch and I moved to this lot in Jefferson Iowa there was a heritage rhubarb patch, but it was in the wrong location. So we moved it and it has thrived, mostly. Rhubarb does not grow in the South. You might find it in northern Missouri, but it is rare to see it in southern Missouri. It is still abundant in Iowa, but that may not always be true as our winters get warmer each year. It would also help if people would help them thrive and recognize them for the treasures they truly are.

Last summer was a dry one and the patch suffered for it. It also went to seed abundantly. It did not look healthy, so I googled it to find out what to do about all those seeds. The advice was to cut them off immediately because it will suck all the goody out of the rhubarb if you do nothing. OMG!  That was very good advice. It sure is thriving this season, as you can see.

And I ran across this recipe, I might decide to try today.

Crustless Rhubarb Pie

Ingredients

3 cups rhubarb, diced

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

3/4 cup granulated sugar

1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. fine sea salt

4 large eggs

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 cup 2% or whole milk

A small amount of softened butter to grease the pie pan

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F, and prepare the bottom and sides of a 9" pie plate with the softened butter. 

Clean and dice rhubarb and put it into the prepared pie plate. 

Mix the remaining ingredients in a blender until well blended. Pour over the rhubarb in the pie plate. 

Bake for 40 minutes at 375 degrees F. The center will be just slightly soft when it's done and will firm up as it cools on the countertop. 

Cool completely. Serve with a dollop of fresh whipped cream.

The Lever on 8-oh!

When the 80th birthday rolls around, it feels like there is a silent switch in the system. Things change. The outlook on life, future, and past takes a different tone. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a bad thing. It is a reality that isn't fully structured. Your peers are leaving this good earth, and that is a little hard to ignore. And the ones who are still near and dear sometimes are not able to join you in the same activities they did in their younger years. We are all headed in the same direction, and there is no getting around that, but after 80, it looks a lot closer. Not something you give much thought to till you are there.

When I sat down at my computer with the idea of a blog entry, I wrote "Writer's Block". And the story above is what happened when I let the writer in me take over. I know there are those who do not want to even think about it. If that is you, then you probably are not going to get this far.

There are two things I hope I never lose: JOY and a sense of humor.