The nursing home called about my stepfather about a week ago and then again today. My stepfather Bob will be 89 in October if he makes it that far. My mother was married to him the last 10 years of her life. She was bedfast the last three of those years and Bob took care of her the best he could during that time. Their relationship was stormy but that didn't seem to bother either of them very much. It seemed to be a game they played. I did not have much patience with their game. After Mom passed Bob lived on his own in Senior housing in Cumberland and Atlantic Iowa until the fall of 2009 when he entered Colonial Manor in Anita Iowa.
Bob has no children of his own and very few relatives. If he has any I do not know who they are or where they live. My sisters and I are the only "Go-To" people he has, thus the call from the nursing home. They have called me in the past to inform me of his falls and illnesses. This time, a week ago, they said he was not doing well. His eyes were sunken and he was dehydrated so they were sending him to ER for evaluation. Today they called with the evaluation. A year ago Bob had surgery on a shoulder and afterwards had difficulty swallowing. I was told this was not unusual for seniors after surgery. I did not know that. They inserted a feeding tube and he had the feeding tube until 3 months ago when he pulled it out. They did not call me to tell me he had pulled it out, not that it would have made a difference. But todays decision...for him...is to have the feeding tube surgically reinserted or let nature take its course. Hospice was coming in to talk to him about it and help him with the decision. He asked the nursing home to call me. I told them I understood his quandary but did not know what to tell him. I told them if I were in his position I would not want the feeding tube only to prolong a life not worth living BUT I was not telling him what he should do. I also told him I would be there as soon as I could so it looks as though we will be leaving here tomorrow headed for Jefferson and then I will drive to Anita to see him.
If I didn't have anyone to turn to in my last days I would at least want someone to hold my hand. I plan to go hold Bob's hand.
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